何時是結束關係的時刻

你想擺脫對方,因為你知道事情只會變得更糟。你設法切斷外在的聯繫,但你仍然感到更糟。清晰的優柔寡斷程度、強烈的負面負荷,以及有毒的思維,仍然流通著情況和對方。

我們應該在第一個方便的出口結束事情嗎?
局部的解決是好的選擇嗎?
情況何時會被認為是完全解決的?
我們該何時離開?

有時候很明顯關係已走到了盡頭。你想盡了一切辦法來讓它繼續下去,但現在了解到關係不再是健康的,分開可以讓你們兩人走上更高的道路。但是離開的確實點是什麼?而當我們離開時,我們是否過早或過晚的離開?

當一段關係開始變壞,我們自然的人類傾向就是直接想辦法逃避或結束關係。另一方面,當我們不得不去解決它時,我們這麼做是為了較低或較高的原因。較低的原因迫使我們去解決它,因為我們的執著、恐懼和無法放下。而較高的原因是基於我們對於演化和真理的承諾。

每個衝突都是互惠互利的。一個人可能比另一個人學習的更多,但兩人都會有一些收穫。負面性是由於未解決的痛苦。如果你投射負面性,那麼解決就是從首先拉進這股能量,化解你自己的傷痛開始。當傷痛化解時,清晰就會發生,在這之後就是解決外在衝突的合適時間。如果可能的話,一個人應該避免結束關係的衝動,以便釋放傷痛。我們應該從平靜的狀態,而不是從試圖釋放自己的痛苦狀態,來做出重大決定。這就是說,當我們在痛苦中時,它一般是太早結束關係。

傷害與危害

在關係,了解傷害和危害之間的區別是非常重要的。傷害是主觀的,而危​​害是客觀的。傷害是當我們的痛苦底線狀態被顯示出來。我們的傷口被觸發了​​,但不是由於對方「試圖」傷害我們。對方只是幫助我們,使我們已經攜帶著的傷痛浮現。他們的行動幫助我們看到自己更深的層面。

危害是不同的。危害是當別人的傷痛強加在我們身上。我們不必要的將自己放在危害的方式中。在這種情況下,我們應該遵循自己的本能,離開有毒的人和情況。這不是逃避,而是自我保護的健康行動。大多數人混淆他們個人的傷痛為另一個人試圖傷害他們。他們指責對方,或過早的放棄關係,沒有看到對方只是在幫助我們自我反省。如果對方確實在危害你,而不是在幫助你接近你的傷痛,那麼你就要進行更深的考慮。如果你在生理上被虐待,不能捍衛你身體的安全,你就需要離開。如果情況更多是心理的或情感的,那麼就需要一個清晰的洞察力。

更多的談傷害

他們的言行是否引發了個人的傷痛,舊的問題,來自於過去的模式。你的反應是否不成比例的大於它應該的樣子?如果是這樣的話,這可能是一個「受傷的情況」,而不是危害。例如,如果你的伴侶是一個操控性的人,你的憤怒是所有傷害過你的人的總合嗎?在這種情況下,操控的第一個標誌是一個「溫和的提醒」,讓你去療癒內在的傷痛。如果你使用這最初的觸發器來進入自我覺察和開始療癒,情況就不必惡化。這種反映是幫助你接近在你意識層中運行的更深傷痛線。請記住,我們講的是負面反映的溫和形式,任何展示虐待跡象的人,並不屬於這一類的理解。

在另一個人確實是反映者的情況下,那他們就暫時扮演了加害者的角色,讓你看見你累積的問題。如果伴侶對於你確實是反映者,那在你看到問題之後,他們就不再會扮演這個角色。這角色只有一個功能,一旦你學會了,他們就不再需要扮演這個角色,來幫助你看見。從更高的角度來看,這種「傷害的情況」是你邀請了這個角色的扮演,以幫助你看到自己。如果你責備你的幫手,那麼你就錯過了你們相遇的更高意義。最終,你看到對方並沒有想傷害你,你的解釋是透過你的傷痛體所過濾的。你看到你的伴侶是無辜的,只是為了你的療癒而執行功能。你可以向他們表示感激。

更多的談危害

如果你是在一個「危害的情況」,那麼對方就不只是執行無私的功能,以幫助你學習。他們是從自己的自我行動,服務自己的目的。他們在痛苦中,但他們不能為此負責。他們是痛苦的,需要找個人來指責。他們的痛苦已經達到高峰,現在他們不再能「容納」了,他們需要表達它,投射它,或者用它來發動攻擊。清楚的是,他們不能再將它鎖在裡面。如果你傷害他們,他們會以一種扭曲的方式覺得更好。危害是有意的想傷害他人。他們不是繼續玩這投射的無意識遊戲,就是清醒過來,負起責任,而不是責備。如果他們清醒了,他們可能會找到一種方式來表達自己的痛苦,而不是投射它。自我就會臣服,以轉向內在和療癒。

在危害的人沒有清醒過來的情況下,有兩種反應:

a.如果你有要釋放的傷痛,或者有要學習的課題,​​而無法自己學習,那麼你可能就需要外在的觸發器。他們的投射或攻擊是你無意識中要求的觸發器。如果你能夠早的意識到這個,那麼你就可以從戲劇退出,而化解你的痛苦,先療癒自己。但如果你掉入這當中,你就會開始捲入與對方自我的爭鬥,以傷痛交換更多的傷痛,造成進一步的相互業力。

b.如果你可以保持比攻擊能量比更高的愛的層次,你就不會受到影響。你就會影響他們,你就可以為他們的療癒,保持更高的空間。他們的攻擊就會在你更廣的擁抱中融化。沒有你需要釋放的傷痛,沒有要學習的個人課題,因此你在你的回應中是無私的。情況變得非個人,你自然和即時的回應是愛的同情。

最後

如果我們能夠認出傷害為傷害,那麼我們就知道待在關係中,並使用被觸發的傷痛,是療癒自己的一種方式。如果我們認出危害為危害,那麼我們就可以為他們的療癒,保持更高的空間,或離開情況,以先療癒自己。

如果關係衝突已經解決了,課題已經學到了,寬恕和感恩已經實現了,那這就是考慮關係是否應該結束的好時機。如果關係只是為了業力的目的,那麼在恢復平靜之後,就會覺得完成。如果一個人因為執著、貧困、害怕失去或孤獨,而緊緊抓住一份關係,那麼我們就會不必要的延長連結。在這種情況下,我們就會逗留得過久,而阻止自己遇見我們的下一份演化性關係。如果除了業力因素,而沒有學習的協議,那麼一個人應該選擇不要失去寶貴的時間,就是放下。

~ Avalon

 


When to End a Relationship

You want to be rid of the other. You know things will only get worse. You manage to cut external ties, however you still feel awful. There is a clear level of irresolution, strong negative charges, and toxic thinking still circulates the situation and the other.

Should we just end things at the first convenient exit?
Is partial resolution a good option?
When is a situation considered fully resolved?
When should we walk away?

Sometimes it is clear that a relationship has come to an end. You have tried everything to make it work but now realize that it is no longer healthy, and separating allows you both to walk a higher path. But what is the actual point of exit? And when we do we exit too early or too late?

When a relationship starts to go south, our natural human tendency is to directly think of ways to escape or end the relation. On the other hand, when we are compelled to work it out, we do it for either lower or higher reasons. A lower reason compels us to work it out because of our attachments, fears and inability to let go. A higher reason is based on our commitment to evolution and truth.

Every conflict is mutually beneficial. One may have more learning than the other, however both have something to gain. Negativity is born from unresolved pain. If you are projecting negativity, then resolution starts with pulling this energy in and dissolving your own pain first. When pain dissolves, lucidity occurs, after which is the right time to resolve the outer conflict. If possible, one should avoid the impulse to end relationships in order to release pain. We should make big decisions from a peaceful state and not from a pained state trying to release itself. That said, when we are in pain, it is generally too early to end a relationship.

Hurt Vs. Harm

In relationship, it is very important to understand the difference between hurt and harm. Hurt is subjective, while harm is objective. Hurt is when our baseline state of pain is revealed. Our wounds are triggered but not due to the other “trying” to hurt us. The other has only helped us to surface the pain we already carry. Their actions have helped us to see a deeper level of our own selves.

Harm is different. Harm is when the pain of another is being inflicted onto us. We have placed ourselves unnecessarily in harm’s way. In this case, we should follow our instinct to remove ourselves from the toxic person and situation. This is not escape, but rather a healthy act of self-protection. Most people confuse their personal hurt for another person trying to harm them. They blame the other, or abandon the relationship pre-maturely, without seeing that the other was only serving our own self-reflection. If indeed the other is harming you, instead of helping you access your pain, then deeper considerations need to be made. If you are being physically abused, and cannot defend the safety of your body, you need to leave. If the situation is more mental or emotional, then a clear discernment is needed.

More on Hurt

Is their word or action triggering a personal pain, an old issue, a pattern coming from your past. Is your reaction disproportionately larger than it should be? If so, this may be a “situation of hurt”, not harm. For example, if your partner is a dominating man, is your anger the sum total of all men who have hurt you? In this case, the first signs of domination are a “gentle reminder” for you to heal the pain inside. The situation does not have to worsen, if you use these initial triggers to come into self-awareness and begin to heal. This reflection is helping you access deeper threads of pain running through the layers of your consciousness. Keep in mind, we speak of gentle forms of negative reflection, anyone who exhibits signs of abuse, does not belong in this category of understanding.

In the case that the other is indeed a reflector, then them temporarily take on the role of a perpetrator for you to see your accumulated issue. If the partner is indeed a reflector for you, then after you see the issue, they no longer play that role. That role only had a function, and once you learned, they no longer needed to play that role to help you see. From a higher perspective, this “situation of hurt” is you having invited in this role-play to help you see yourself. If you were to blame your helper, then you miss the higher meaning of your meeting. Eventually, you see the other is not trying to hurt you, and your interpretation was filtered through your pain body. You see that your partner was innocent, and only performed a function for the sake of your healing. You can extend them gratitude.

More on Harm

If you are in a “situation of harm” then the other is not just performing a selfless function in order to help you learn. They are acting from their ego and serving their own ends. They are in pain but they cannot take responsibility for it. They are in pain and need to find someone to blame. Their pain has peaked and now they can no longer “contain” it. They need to express it, project it, or use it to launch an attack. What is clear, is that they can no longer keep it locked inside. If you hurt with them, they feel better in a twisted kind of way. Harm is the desire to hurt another with intention. Either they keep playing this unconscious game of projection, or they wake up and take responsibility instead of blaming. If they awaken, they may find a way to express their pain instead of project it. The ego then surrenders itself in order to turn within and heal.

In the case one who harms is not waking up, there are two responses.

a. If you have pain to release or a lesson to learn and cannot learn on your own, then you may need an external trigger. Their projection or attack will be the trigger you have subconsciously asked for. If you can awaken to this set up early enough, then you withdraw from the drama and instead dissolve your pain and heal yourself first. If you fall for the setup, you begin engaging in an ego battle with the other, exchanging pain for more pain, and creating further mutual karma.

b. If you hold a level of love greater than the energy of the attack, you will not be affected. You will affect them. You will be able to hold a higher space for their healing. Their attacks melt inside your wider embrace. There is no pain you need to release, no personal lesson to learn, and so you are selfless in your response. The situation becomes non-personal and your natural and instant response is loving compassion.

Finally

If we can recognize hurt as hurt, then we know that staying in relationship and using the hurt triggered is a way to heal ourselves. If we recognize harm as harm, then we can either hold a higher space for their healing, or depart the circumstance to heal ourselves first.

If relationship conflict has resolved, lessons have been learned, forgiveness and gratitude realized, then that is a good time to consider whether the relationship should end or not. If the relationship was only meant for karmic purposes then it will feel complete after peace has been restored. If one hangs onto the relationship due to attachment, neediness, fear of loss or loneliness, then we unnecessarily prolong a connection. In such a case, we have overstayed our stay, and deter ourselves from meeting our next evolutionary relationship. If there is no dharmic agreement in addition to the karmic one, then one should choose not to lose precious time and just let go.

~ Avalon

 

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