有毒的告別

關係的類型

關係是我們最明顯的自我反映。在一份關係中,可以學到許多的課題。要從一份關係中獲得所有學習的果實,意味著不需要透過未來的關係重複同樣的課題。關係是為了我們的樂趣和我們的演化。有業力關係和法緣關係。業力關係是為了處理某些誤解和釋放稠密的能量。法緣關係是為了相互支持的目的,以及學習與成長的更高形式。在業力關係中,我們走出傷痛和痛苦的舊有模式的流沙。在法緣關係中,我們受啟發演化進更高的道路和目的。

吸引力使兩個人在一起,無論是正面還是負面的吸引力。正面的吸引力產生足夠的能量連結,逐步引導我們走向更深的學習。負面的吸引力(或排斥)也為了學習的緣故使人們不由自主的在一起。例如,兩個人相處不好,但必須共同完成一個工作計畫。還有第三種情況,就是正面的吸引力變成負面的吸引力,如在一份婚姻中,誠實和愛的表現逐漸減少。

負面表達的正面類型

傷害通常與業力關係有關。不是從一開始就是過程中的某個時刻,負面的吸引力使你們保持連結。在這裡,分離並不容易,即使我們去嘗試。業力似乎綁著你們,因為相互的學習還沒有完成。

有時候,我們可以自己療癒關係的傷害,而有時無法。如果業力的協議到位,那麼無論我們怎樣努力,關係的傷痛可能還是不會消失。這傷痛無法輕易動搖。有趣的是,有時我們在傷痛中,不是因為我們內在有什麼要解決,而是因為我們要保有那份傷痛夠長的時間,來讓對方了解自己行動的影響。在這裡,我們的傷痛的功能僅僅是為了幫助對方看見自己。一旦你表達了這份傷痛,而他們得到了對於敏感度、傾聽、同情和責任的課題,那麼你的痛苦就會巧合的消退。這意味著你的傷痛只是對方所需要的反思的佔位符。在這種情況下,你對於傷痛的負面表達是不錯的正面力量。

負面性與攻擊

什麼時候負面表達會成為負面的投射,而不是為了善的力量?負面表達可以是充滿激情的,甚至是極端的,但它本質上是自我包含的,因此,它不會傷害或冒犯對方。而負面投射不是包含的,它是試圖將傷痛和責任轉移到其他人身上。在這種情況下,我們做盡我們所可以做到的來被看見、接受、理解、同情和同理。我們做盡我們所能的,使我們的情況是正確的,並證明其他人是錯誤的。如果我們的負面投射被其他人所拒絕,那麼我們的負面性就可能升級到有毒的地步。在這裡,我們開始攻擊對方,但我們說服自己,這是合理的,因為畢竟他們難辭其咎。

無論是我們攻擊他人,還是他人攻擊我們,非常重要的是看到我們在極端的情況中。這種升級的發生,是因為被攻擊的人和攻擊者都浸在很深的無覺知中。攻擊者無法為自己的傷痛承擔責任,而在有毒的指責的全模式中。受到攻擊的人看不出他們的不敏感和缺乏覺知如何造成情況。兩者都需要更深層次的自我探詢,而且是快速的,以避免造成進一步的傷害,以及又進一步創造出業力。

任何時候,負面性投射在我們身上,我們是被要求進入看見、敏感度、同情和責任的更深層次。這種反映有其原因。直到我們臣服於這個學習,負面性不會停止。直到我們變柔軟,並允許這種反映的全部真相與我們接觸,負面性不會停止。持續的負面投射在我們身上,使我們能夠持續的自我反省。當我們到達我們預期學習的終點時,那麼投射到我們道路上的負面性就會自己釋放。

只是保護自己免於負面性,從關係做出「乾淨」的分離,一般而言並不是最高的決定。從演化的觀點,每份關係都需要恢復到愛、和諧、寬恕和感恩。如果還沒有達到這個點,則仍然有一段漫漫長路。如果對方是完全不合理的,切斷與他們的連結可能是唯一的道路,但大多數人過早的進入這一點,以避免遇見更深、更不舒服的真相。「乾淨」的分離並不乾淨,如果一方或雙方都抱著敵意到任何的程度。在外在一走了之並不意味著我們在內在也可以。

有人負面的對待我們,和有人攻擊我們,是兩個完全不同的學習層次。當我們受到攻擊,這意味著我們需要夠強大的反映,來將我們從深度的睡眠中喚醒。只有當我們在一定程度上在很深的無意識時,我們才會遭到攻擊,否則的話,正面的,或只是一點負面性的,就足以學習。讓我們回顧一下,並進一步探討我們遭到攻擊的理由。

9個我們遭到攻擊的原因

1.為了學習責任。如果我們沒有認出我們對其他人的影響,我們傷害另一個人的能力,負面的影響他們,那就會有攻擊。

2.為了學習敏感度、傾聽和同情。同樣的,如果我們忽略自己有多影響對方,他們就會以足以讓我們去看見的強烈方式來報復。

3.為了學會自我防衛。如果我們不知道如何站在自己的力量中,我們可能會持續被逼迫,直到我們為自己站起來。這得到攻擊,以學會自我保護,設定邊界,恢復自我價值和尊嚴。

4.為了完成業力。如果我們曾經以如我們目前的加害者一樣的方式來行動,那麼我們現在就會經驗我們類似的有害的過去行動的痛苦影響。這種攻擊是幫助我們看到自己的極限,並為我們提供一個機會透過擁抱對方來改變自己。

5.為了完成負面的願望。如果我們在內在有焦慮、報仇和復仇,我們可能送出無意識的振動,邀請衝突和攻擊,讓我們可以釋放自己內在的暴力。幾乎任何的小觸發都可以給你足夠的理由去反擊。這可能與前世有關,或者是我們降生的較低意圖的一部份。

6.為了學習洞察力。由於我們缺乏清晰、覺知和直覺的敏感度,我們進入不健康的關係中,為自己帶來不必要的傷害。獲得攻擊可以喚醒我們進入更高的看見,並培養我們的純真。

7.為了得到療癒。我們的創傷與其他人的創傷相互作用。我們相互觸發的方式,使隱藏在內在深處的傷痛浮現。這是學習回到更高形式的愛、慈悲與和諧。

8.為了克服恐懼。他們的攻擊向我們展示了我們的恐懼,和我們與自我的認同,自我是唯一可以體驗威脅的。透過克服我們對於攻擊的恐懼,我們體驗到自己永恆的本性是不死的,從來沒有受到威脅。

9.為了考驗我們更高的自我。不陷入較低自然傾向而還擊,或投射回評判和負面性的能力。對於站在黑暗核心(即痛苦核心)的人,待在愛、擁抱和同情中的能力。那攻擊就是對於我們心靈的考驗。

有毒的告別

如果我們沒有就自己所能的去解決,他人的負面思想和他們有毒的能量就會不斷地對你投射。例如,被忽視的孩子會報復,直到被聽到,因此,如果你沒有聽到你傷害的人的哭聲,那他們就會發動更大的攻擊,或收集對於他們的觀點支持的人,直到你願意聽到他們的聲音。他們創造出很大的反映,讓你無法避免,他們創造出足夠的壓力,那是你無法輕易逃避的。如果你沒有解決這個問題,就必須擴展能量,來支持自我保護場。如果恢復了和諧,那你就可以自由的漫遊,而且也沒有必要花費能量去「保衛」自己。盡最大努力去避免任何層次的有毒告別。

關鍵是在和平與和諧的狀態下接觸他們。從最高的意識來行動。如果你比他們保持較低自我,更強的保持自己的較高自我,那麼情況就會得到解決。如果你讓步,臣服於他們對你反映的真相,那他們就會釋放業力的需要,不用成為業因來讓你看見你需要看見的。如果你變得柔軟、敏感、傾聽並能同理他們痛苦的深度,無論你是否造成了它的整個,那他們就會變得柔軟,因為他們被看見了,而這是他們根本上需要的。

如果你能為他們保持足夠的空間,讓他們驅逐自己的痛苦,沒有將不是你的視為針對你個人的,那你就是在幫助他們療癒。如果他們築起防衛和評判的牆,並進一步攻擊,你的愛和接納的偉大就可以將它融化。如果你的愛與接納沒有融化他們內在的,那麼也許你自己錯過了更深的真理。如果他們仍然僵硬,無法阻止他們螺旋式的下降到黑暗和有害的報復中,而且你已經到達了表達愛的終點,那麼離開是可以的。

在生活中,有一些重要的時刻。很重要的是看到關係的結束始終是重要的時刻,特別是如果有毒性存在。如果是這樣的話,盡你所能的去淨化這個是很重要的,讓你就可以避免於業力反擊的方式演化。為你順利進入未來的道路鋪路,很重要的是讓集體意識看到你在你的光中,並祝福你。當然,我們無法試圖取悅所有的人,但我們可以試著在誠信中前進,同時撲滅仍在燃燒的火,保持盡可能多的橋樑完好。盡最大努力把所有的業力關係和諧地完成。雖然當事情變得非常糟糕時,一走了之是很有誘惑力的,但要知道有毒的告別對於你進入未來的旅程,最終是不利的結果。

~Avalon


The Toxic Goodbye

Types of Relations

Relationship is where our most obvious self-reflections are. In a single relationship, multiple lessons can be learned. To reap all the fruits of learning from one relation, means not needing to repeat the same lessons through future relations. Relations are for our enjoyment and our evolution. There are karmic and dharmic relations. Karmic relations are for working out some misunderstanding and releasing dense energies. Dharmic relations are for the purpose of mutual support, higher growth, and learning. We evolve and become more of what we are through dharmic relations.

Attraction brings two people together, whether it is positive or negative attraction. Positive attraction creates enough energetic connection to progressively direct us towards the deeper learning. Negative attraction (or repulsion) brings people together involuntarily also for the sake of learning. For example, two people who don’t get along but must complete a work project together. Then there is the positive attraction that turns into a negative attraction, as in a marriage that progressively degenerates into expressions short of honesty and love.

The Positive Kind of Negative Expression

Hurt is normally involved in karmic relationships. Either from the start or somewhere down the line, negative attraction keeps you connected. Here, separation is not easy even though we try. Karma seems to bind you together as the mutual learning is not yet complete.

Sometimes we can heal from relationship hurt on our own, sometimes not. If a karmic agreement is in place, then no matter how hard we try, relationship pain may not go away. This one pain is not easily shaken. Interestingly, sometimes we are in pain not because we have something to resolve inside, but because we are meant to hold onto that pain long enough for the other to realize the impact of their actions. Here, our pain is just a function of helping the other to see themselves. Once you express this pain, and they receive the lessons in sensitivity, listening, empathy and responsibility, then your pain coincidentally subsides. This means your pain was only a placeholder for the reflection that the other needed. In this case, your negative expression of pain is a positive force for good.

Negativity vs Attack

When does a negative expression become a negative projection, and therefore not a force for good? A negative expression is self-contained, it can be passionate and even extreme but still, ​it will not offend the other. Negative projection is not contained, it is an attempt to transfer pain and responsibility onto the other. We do all that we can to be seen, received, understood, empathized or sympathized with. We do all that we can to make our case for being right ​and prove the other wrong. If our negative projections are rejected by the other, then our negativity may escalate to the point of toxicity. Here, we start to attack the other but convince ourselves it is justified because they are after-all they are to blame.

Whether we are attacking others or others are attacking us, it is important to see that we are in an extreme circumstance. This escalation has occurred because both the one getting attacked and the attacker are drenched in deep unawareness. The attacker cannot take responsibility for their pain and is in a full mode of toxic blame. The one getting attacked cannot see how their insensitivity has created the situation. Both need a deeper level of self-inquiry, and fast, in order to avoid further harm and the creation of further karma.

Any time negativity is projected at us, we are asked to enter a deeper level of seeing, sensitivity, empathy, ​and responsibility. This reflection has its reasons. Until we surrender to this learning, the negativity will not cease. Until we soften and allow the full truth of this reflection to reach us, the negativity will not cease. Extended negativity projected at us enables our own extended self-reflection. When we have gone to the ends of the intended learning, then negativity projected our way can release itself.

It is generally not the highest decision to just decide to shield yourself from negativity and make a “clean” break from a relation. From an evolutionary view, every relation needs to be restored to love, harmony, forgiveness, ​and gratitude. If it has not reached that point, then there is still a ​road to rough. If the other is completely unreasonable, cutting them off may be the only path, however, ​most people assess this point pre-maturely in order to avoid meeting deeper more uncomfortable truths. A “clean” break is not clean ​if one or both is​ holding animosity to any degree. Walking away on the outside doesn’t mean we able to on the inside.

Someone treating us negativity and someone attacking us are two very different levels of learning. When we are attacked, it means we need a reflection strong enough to wake us from the depth of our slumber. We only get attacked if we are deeply unconscious on some level ​because otherwise positivity or just a touch of negativity is enough to learn. Let’s recap, and explore further reasons why we get attacked.

9 Reasons Why We Get Attacked

1. To learn responsibility. If we are not acknowledging our impact on the other, our ability to hurt another being, and affect them negativity, then attack comes.

2. To learn sensitivity, learning, ​and empathy. Again, if we ignore how we have affected the other, they will retaliate in way strong enough for us to see.

3. To learn self-defence. If we don’t know how to stand in our power, we may get pushed continuously until we stand up for ourselves. This is getting attacked in order to learn self-protection, the setting of boundaries, and the restoration of self-worth and dignity.

4. To complete karma. If we have acted in the same way as our current perpetrator, then we are now experiencing the painful effects of our similar harmful past actions. This attack, helps us to see our own extremes ​and offers us a chance to change ourselves through embracing the other.

5. To complete negative desire. If we have angst, vengeance, revenge inside us, we may send out subconscious vibrations inviting conflict and attack so that we can release the violence inside of ​us. Almost any small trigger gives you just enough to justify a counter attack. Could be past life related, or part of our lower intent for incarnation.

6. To learn discernment. Due to our lack of clarity, awareness and intuitive sensibilities, we enter unhealthy relations bringing unnecessary harm to us. Getting attacked wakes us into higher seeing and educates our naivity.

7. To gain healing. Our wounds interact with the wounds of the other. We trigger each other in ways that surface​ pain hidden deep inside. It is learning our way back to a higher form of love, compassion, harmony, compassion.

8. To overcome fear. Their attack shows us our fear ​and our identification with an ​ego who is the only one that can experience threat. By overcoming our fear of attack, we experience our eternal nature that is deathless and never under threat.

9. To test our higher self. Our ability to not fall into lower nature tendency to hit back, or project judgment and negativity back. Our ability to stay in love, embrace and compassion towards this which is standing in the core of darkness which is the core of pain. The attack​ is then is a test of our spirituality.

The Toxic Goodbye

If we don’t go as far as we can towards resolution, the negative thinking of the other and their toxic energy keeps getting projected at you. For example, a child who is ignored will retaliate until heard, thus, if you do not hear the cries of one you have hurt, they will launch greater attacks, or gather supporters for their view until you are willing to hear them. They create a reflection too huge for you to avoid, they create enough pressure that you cannot escape easily​. If you don’t resolve it, you must expend energy in holding up a field of self-protection. If harmony is restored, then you roam free, and there is no need to expend energy trying to “shield” yourself. Do your best to avoid any level of a toxic goodbye.

The key is to reach out to them in a state of peace and harmony. Come from your highest consciousness. If you hold to your higher self-stronger​ than they hold to their lower self, then the situation will be resolved. If you give way and surrender to the truth they are reflecting back at you, then they release the karmic need to be a placeholder for what you need to see. If you become soft, sensitive, listening and can empathize with the depth of their pain, whether you caused the whole of it or not, then they will soften, for they are seen and that is essentially what they needed.

If you can hold enough space for them to expel their pain, without taking personally what is not yours, then you help them to heal. If they put up a wall of defense, judgment and attack further, the greatness of your love and acceptance can melt that. If your love and acceptance are​ not melting that in them, then perhaps you are missing a deeper truth yourself. If they remain hard, and cannot stop their downward spiral into darkness and harmful retaliation, and you have gone to the end of expressed love, then it is okay to remove yourself.

In life, there are important moments. It is important to see that the ending of relationships is always an important moment, especially if there is toxicity there. If so, it is important to clear this as best as you can, so that you can evolve in a way free of karmic lash-back. To pave your way smoothly into the future, it is important for collective consciousness to see you in your light and bless you. Of course, ​we cannot try to please all, but we can try to move forward in integrity while putting out fires that are still burning, keeping as many bridges alive and well as possible. Do your best to bring all karmic relations to harmonious completion. While it is tempting to just walk away when things get really bad, know that the toxic goodbye is ultimately the least favorable​ outcome for your journey into the future.

~Avalon

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