我們對於會帶給我們幸福的，有個渴望和計畫的列表，然後開始追尋。我們奮鬥，拉扯，直到我們得到為止 。 我們生活在那成就中，提取承諾的利益，直到成就的陰暗面浮出檯面。我們被拉進一個又一個的故事中，去滿足我們對於經驗的需求，不情願的透過生命的挑戰而成長。執著使我們鎖在這些故事中，直到我們所執著的事物自己消失為止。我們盡己所能的去滿足自己的渴望，直到幻想最終破滅，我們了解每個人和每件事情都是一種催化劑，一個信使，和一個攪拌器，最終都會鼓勵我們去看見我們所追求的都在自己的內在。我們只需要一個很長的沈思列表，來最終讓我們看見。
The Cost of Not Being Yourself
To begin the spiritual path is to see where you are at now. It is to have two feet planted firmly on your ground, ready to see the truth about yourself. To begin the path towards conscious spiritual living is to begin from a state of honesty. But to note: honesty has to be learned. It no longer comes natural to us, as it once did in our past.
We have become afraid of honesty. We have become hurt from our honesty before. We have been judged and rejected for having been our natural selves, when we expressed ourselves too freely in the world. We have been pushed away when we did not meetthe expectations of others. We have even lost love because we did not change ourselves in time, to please the other. We have learned that being our natural honest self has not brought us the happiness or love that we desire at the deepest level. In effect, we only skim surface levels of honesty, but remain disconnected from the core of it. Honesty simply got overshadowed by stronger needs, namely our need for love and approval. People change themselves according to the amount of love they are trying to acquire.
Main reason we find it hard to be honest is our fear of loss and loneliness. We have an idea of what will be received, loved, accepted and approved of. Our self-image is our created self projected outward. This is the self that we present to the public; this is our persona always in the mode of acquisition. This is the self that tries to secure company and avoids loneliness at all costs. Because we are insecure and fearful, because we don’t know how to access the state of inherent wholeness and completion, we stay in the mode of looking outside ourselves for answers and experiences.
We have our list of wants, our ideas of what will bring us happiness, and then begin seeking. We struggle, push and pull until we can attain. We live in that attainment, extracting the promised goods, until the dark side of that attainment rears its head. We are pulled into story after story, fulfilling our need for experience, reluctantly evolving through life’s challenges. Attachment keeps us locked into these stories, until what we are attaching to falls away by itself. We try our best to fulfill our desires, until the illusion finally breaks, and we realize everyone and everything was always ever a catalyst, a messenger, an agitator ultimately encouraging us to see what we sought was within. We just needed a long list of reflections to finally make us see.
If we don’t awaken, we mourn our losses, reminisce about the past, and ponder another story into existence. If we do awaken, we see our own game, of how we have changed ourselves over and over to gain something from the outside. We see how we disbelieved our natural selves could attain that, so we changed ourselves out of recognition, until we became strangers unto ourselves. The aching to know oneself is the depth of our disconnection and fragmentation, showing itself.
At one point, we become tired of the split inside, of the hiding, pretending, of trying to please others. We realize that the cost of our masks is too high. Reclaiming our natural selves becomes necessary, and truth no longer becomes an option. At the precipice of these revelations, we decide to finally just take the consequence of being ourselves. We decide on honesty. We decide that anything we gain in a state of dishonesty, anything that we retain by remaining dishonest, is just not worth it.
Honesty is a courageous way to live; most people don’t believe their needs will be met if they live in truth. To be honest, faith and trust are needed. We need to believe that ‘honesty’ is capable of looking after our needs even if that means our life needs to fall apart, and certain people need to fall away. We need to trust honesty so deep, knowing that though our life path may be more difficult, arduous, and complicated, that though it may cause more pain and conflict, and for things to uncomfortably change ~ that finally, it is still a higher path.
Are you willing to give up the emptiness of all your acquisitions
to gain the nothingness of truth?
Truth has a cost, if you are willing to pay it, then you set yourself free.
The cost of not being yourself is you.