沒有成為自己的代價
要開始靈性的道路，就要看到自己現在在哪裡。它是兩隻腳穩穩的踏在地面上，準備看到關於自己的真相。要開始通往有意識的、靈性的生活的途徑，就要從誠實的狀態開始。但要注意：誠實必須學習，因為它不再對我們是自然的，如我們過去那樣。
我們害怕表現誠實。我們因為之前的誠實而受傷。我們一直被評判和拒絕，因為我們成為自己自然的自我，也因為我們太自由的在世界上表達自己。我們一直被推開，因為我們沒有滿足別人的期望。我們甚至失去了愛，因為我們沒有即時改變自己，去討好對方。我們已經了解到，成為我們自然誠實的自我，並沒有帶給我們內心深處最渴望的幸福和愛。實際上，我們只提取了誠實的表層，依然與它的核心分離。誠實由於更強的需求而掩蓋著，就是我們對於愛和認同的需求。人們依據他們試圖獲得多少的愛，去改變自己。
我們很難誠實的最主要原因，是我們對於失去和孤獨的恐懼。我們對於會被接納、喜愛、認可和批准的事情，有一個概念。我們的自我形象是我們向外投射所創造出的自我。這是我們向公眾展示的自我；這是我們始終在「獲得模式」的角色。這是不惜一切代價尋求陪伴和避免孤獨的自我。因為我們是沒安全感和恐懼的，因為我們不知道如何取得固有的整體性和完整性的狀態，我們待在自己以外尋求答案和經驗的模式中。
我們對於會帶給我們幸福的，有個渴望和計畫的列表，然後開始追尋。我們奮鬥，拉扯，直到我們得到為止 。 我們生活在那成就中，提取承諾的利益，直到成就的陰暗面浮出檯面。我們被拉進一個又一個的故事中，去滿足我們對於經驗的需求，不情願的透過生命的挑戰而成長。執著使我們鎖在這些故事中，直到我們所執著的事物自己消失為止。我們盡己所能的去滿足自己的渴望，直到幻想最終破滅，我們了解每個人和每件事情都是一種催化劑，一個信使，和一個攪拌器，最終都會鼓勵我們去看見我們所追求的都在自己的內在。我們只需要一個很長的沈思列表，來最終讓我們看見。
如果我們沒有覺醒，我們就會哀悼自己的損失，緬懷過去，思索另一個故事顯化進入存在。如果我們覺醒了，我們就會看到自己的遊戲，我們如何一再的改變自己，來從外在獲得東西。我們看到自己如何不相信我們的自然自我可以達到這一點，所以我們改變自己到面目全非，直到我們對於自己感到很陌生。知道自己的迫切渴望，是我們斷開和碎片的深度，在顯現自己。
在一個點時，我們對於內在的分裂、隱藏、假裝、和試圖取悅別人，感到疲憊。我們了解到我們面具的代價太高了。恢復我們的自然自我成為必要的，真理不再是一種選擇。在這些啟示的懸崖中，我們最後決定去承擔成為自己所造成的後果。我們決定要誠實。我們決定在不誠實狀態中得到的任何事物，在保持不誠實中保有的任何事物，都是不值得的。
誠實是勇敢的生活方式；大多數的人都不相信當他們活在真實中時，他們的需求會得到滿足。要誠實，需要信心和信任。我們要相信「誠實」能夠照顧我們的需求，即使這意味著我們的生活需要破裂，某些人需要離開。我們必須這麼深的相信誠實，知道儘管我們的生命道路可能會更加困難、艱鉅、複雜，雖然它可能會導致更多的痛苦和衝突，讓事情不舒服的變化〜最終，它仍然是一條較高的途徑。
你願意放掉你所有獲得的空虛來獲得真實的空無嗎？
真實是有代價的，如果你願意付出這代價，那你就可以使自己解脫。
沒有成為自己的代價就是「你」。
~Avalon
The Cost of Not Being Yourself
To begin the spiritual path is to see where you are at now. It is to have two feet planted firmly on your ground, ready to see the truth about yourself. To begin the path towards conscious spiritual living is to begin from a state of honesty. But to note: honesty has to be learned. It no longer comes natural to us, as it once did in our past.
We have become afraid of honesty. We have become hurt from our honesty before. We have been judged and rejected for having been our natural selves, when we expressed ourselves too freely in the world. We have been pushed away when we did not meetthe expectations of others. We have even lost love because we did not change ourselves in time, to please the other. We have learned that being our natural honest self has not brought us the happiness or love that we desire at the deepest level. In effect, we only skim surface levels of honesty, but remain disconnected from the core of it. Honesty simply got overshadowed by stronger needs, namely our need for love and approval. People change themselves according to the amount of love they are trying to acquire.
Main reason we find it hard to be honest is our fear of loss and loneliness. We have an idea of what will be received, loved, accepted and approved of. Our self-image is our created self projected outward. This is the self that we present to the public; this is our persona always in the mode of acquisition. This is the self that tries to secure company and avoids loneliness at all costs. Because we are insecure and fearful, because we don’t know how to access the state of inherent wholeness and completion, we stay in the mode of looking outside ourselves for answers and experiences.
We have our list of wants, our ideas of what will bring us happiness, and then begin seeking. We struggle, push and pull until we can attain. We live in that attainment, extracting the promised goods, until the dark side of that attainment rears its head. We are pulled into story after story, fulfilling our need for experience, reluctantly evolving through life’s challenges. Attachment keeps us locked into these stories, until what we are attaching to falls away by itself. We try our best to fulfill our desires, until the illusion finally breaks, and we realize everyone and everything was always ever a catalyst, a messenger, an agitator ultimately encouraging us to see what we sought was within. We just needed a long list of reflections to finally make us see.
If we don’t awaken, we mourn our losses, reminisce about the past, and ponder another story into existence. If we do awaken, we see our own game, of how we have changed ourselves over and over to gain something from the outside. We see how we disbelieved our natural selves could attain that, so we changed ourselves out of recognition, until we became strangers unto ourselves. The aching to know oneself is the depth of our disconnection and fragmentation, showing itself.
At one point, we become tired of the split inside, of the hiding, pretending, of trying to please others. We realize that the cost of our masks is too high. Reclaiming our natural selves becomes necessary, and truth no longer becomes an option. At the precipice of these revelations, we decide to finally just take the consequence of being ourselves. We decide on honesty. We decide that anything we gain in a state of dishonesty, anything that we retain by remaining dishonest, is just not worth it.
Honesty is a courageous way to live; most people don’t believe their needs will be met if they live in truth. To be honest, faith and trust are needed. We need to believe that ‘honesty’ is capable of looking after our needs even if that means our life needs to fall apart, and certain people need to fall away. We need to trust honesty so deep, knowing that though our life path may be more difficult, arduous, and complicated, that though it may cause more pain and conflict, and for things to uncomfortably change ~ that finally, it is still a higher path.
Are you willing to give up the emptiness of all your acquisitions
to gain the nothingness of truth?
Truth has a cost, if you are willing to pay it, then you set yourself free.
The cost of not being yourself is you.
~Avalon