Your Perfect Imperfection ~ Repairing Self Worth
If you were told, ‘you are perfect,’ and it was truly meant ~ would you turn away? Would you shake your head in doubt? Would you think it was just words to make you feel good, and that the real you cannot be loved? If your childhood self was told, ‘you are perfect,’ would you have believed it more easily? Would have you smiled, laughed, and clapped your hands in joy and happiness.
And yet, now you stand motionless, doubting and disbelieving. No, I don’t understand. Yes, please tell me what happened. You explain: somewhere along the way, you thought to be perfect meant to meet the ideal; you thought perfect meant to lose the unworthy parts of yourself; you thought perfect meant to lose your dark bits, to lose your weaknesses, your vulnerabilities, your fragilities…. You thought it meant to lose your imperfection and mistakes. You thought to be perfect meant to always meet the mark, to always get it right, to embody only the good, to express only the best, to ultimately be more than you are, maybe to be as flawless as the characters fictions make up. Because you were innocent and unknowing, you believed the events as they unfolded:
At first you tried to be yourself, but then you were judged. Then you expressed your idea, and they told you it was wrong. Then you showed your art, and they shook their heads. Then you sang your song, and then they shut their ears. Then you danced, and they looked away. Then you showed your need, and you were rejected. Then you showed your pain, and they withdrew love. Again, you tried your way, and they disapproved. Then you cried for help, and they told you to change. Then you did your best, and they told you to do better. Then you protested, and they told you to go sit down. Finally, they had no more patience for your ways and simply told you, ‘no, you are not good enough as you are.’ And then you broke… and then bowed your head in defeat. With confusion, pain, and little choice, you accepted this conclusion. It was only a matter of time until along with them, you would also believe: that what you are, as you are, would simply never be enough. Finally you would come to believe that if you only changed, if you only improved, if you only followed all instructions one by one … then surely one day you would become good enough.
You allowed the misguided, to guide you.
You allowed those who lack self-love, to teach you about love.
You are not to blame; your innocence believed what it was shown.
Then you grew big, and continued to believe that you only must try harder, work harder, create more, produce more, prove more and that just might be enough. You must only show your skills, your talents, and produce shiny things. You must only say the right things, in the right way, in the right time, in the right place. You must only continue to get it right, to improve yourself, to better yourself, and finally perfect yourself. And while your at it, you must be pleasant and nice, and then patiently wait for the nod that approves of you ~ for the arms that might finally open up to receive you. And like this, the corrupted belief about perfection, would go on and on and on, driving you insane.
Finally, you would become a slave to love, by doing whatever it would take to get it. Like this, the game would never cease; you would keep running inside the spinning wheel until you would collapse, unable to run anymore. Head in hands, out of breathe, sweat and tears soaking your shirt, pain soaking your soul, you would realize no matter what you did, it would never be enough. You would never see your intrinsic worth, without you creating something of external worth in the world.
And it is true, and you are right. Whatsoever you would do would never be enough. Because it never was about what you do, how well you did it, how much you did, how much you succeeded, what grade you got, how you dressed, how much money you made, what things you acquired, what name or fame you got, it was never about the flower display… No, not any of these things, ever at all…
It has always been about the purity of your soul, the beauty of your being, the love that created you, the innocence of your nature, and the truth of your heart. God has been the hand that made you. How could God make imperfection? How could God make a child who needs to strive and struggle, in painful belief that to be, as you are made, would simply never be good enough? That is not God’s work; that is the conclusion of misguided minds.
Close your eyes. Is their idea of perfection still true? Is it still so unbelievable when I say, you are perfect as you are….
Ask God to heal every part of you that believes it does not deserve love. Ask God to heal every part of you that cannot receive love, cannot digest love, and cannot accept love. There are so many pockets throughout your being, where love once was, but now emptiness lies. Awaken in dismay, at how much of you has fallen from love. Ask for the divine light to show you
Ask the divine light to show you where you hold pain and doubt. Ask the divine to help heal your pain. Ask the divine to help your doubts fall away. It was never love that was meant to go. Ask God to help you, to see what you are, to accept what you are, to show you the path back to love. You are perfect in your imperfection.
Hear the voice that says again, you are perfect as you are.
Touch your heart, close your eyes, inhale with intent and accept this message. Let it be your new guiding light, for it is the truth.